What am I supposed to be doing again? Traveling the country carefree or something? My brain is shot. Being in Austin, TX, will do that.
Every mile closer, the tighter my chest became. I took a deep breath and coughed anxiety back up. Ever drive through a painful Ex’s neighborhood? Where there is a chance he is out watering the lawn with his shirt off, arm hooked around another girl’s waist? Yeah, that kind of panic.
Two years ago, I left this town so heartbroken and confused.
Little did I know at the time, not only was it the beginning of the end of a relationship, but also an even bigger beginning to a gigantic end of my year-long path of floundering. But for now, back to the city of sadness.
After a weirdly awkward trip to visit my love, I returned home to Florida. I heard nothing from him for about a week, until finally, the one day that fateful phone call came. I’ll never forget it. I was attempting to forget my current predicament by attending a ‘themed’ party in my parent’s retirement community. Every minute of being forcefully thrust into ‘the unknown’ situation was exhausting and, in my opinion, the worst kind. The kind where you are left with zero communication, feeling fun things like shame and guilt, or even existing as a human. Gotta love relationships, right?
Anyways, that was the night of the fateful call. He had felt some enlightenment and wanted to let me know it was over. I should have felt better being brought into the know, but no matter what, when someone you love tells you they want nothing to do with you, it hurts. And that was that. Pretty sure I got drunk and pretended I didn’t care. It worked, until the sun came up and reminded me of the gaping hole in my chest.
So yup, back in that town. I started to notice I was around things he showed me. It was such a sad time. Exhausting even. The hamburger place he assured me was the best, the park where I took a picture of us, looking back, it even looked forced. The park with hundreds of dogs, making me long for Indy. And even the famous Pecan Grove RV Park, which he assured me was impossible to get in.
To wrap up the sour story with some sugar, snap back to present-already-been-through-all-that-shit time. Here I am, in my new truck build, staying at that very same Pecan Grove RV Park. And you know what? I’ve met so many incredible people with whom I’ve been able to create new, fabulous memories. I’m writing this right now at the park with hundreds of dogs running around, Indy right by my side. The world in my grasp. This city in my heart.
No person should ruin an entire city, experience, or (my personal favorite), meal.
We must push ourselves to try again, look at it with fresh eyes once more.
No one holds anything over Austin, and it is making this side of life so much sweeter.
It takes time, but eventually it gets better! You’ll create many more beautiful memories while allowing the ones that don’t feel good, to fade 🙂