I’m pretty confused.
Aren’t all those pictures I see posted online, and posts about living your life on the road supposed to be glamorous and carefree?
I sat nervously waiting for everyone to leave the park. Thoughts of cops banging on my truck side were racing through my mind. It stayed hot and humid, the worst of conditions I just couldn’t seem to shake, no matter how north I drove.
As I watched Indy struggle with staying cool in the hot box we were calling a home, I felt defeated. I give him as much bed as he needs, as I curl up in another corner. I shift uncomfortably on the plywood bed all night long. I toss and turn, haunted by the fear of upcoming rain, and god knows who.
How did my van dream get so utterly diverted?
Why does an idea your passionate about, get completely erased?
The people I’ve known my entire life, that have given me life, were the ones always discounting my ideas. To the point of convincing me that they were bad ideas.
But it’s my fault, because I let them.
To be successful you stand up for what you believe in, no matter what.
I feel like I have failed. I held on so long, and it got lost. Lost in the bullshit of family drama that never should have been there in the first place.
I wish I could have been the bigger person. The one to hear their hateful words, but know they don’t mean them.
But I can’t.
Part of the me that got off the trail learned to be you, from the heart. So it is very hard for me to think that other people do not think that way.
The worst part is, if it were just me, it would be easier.
Just like the trail, when it’s just you, there is no responsibility.
Having indy makes it so much harder, but so much easier at the same time.
The demographics alone are the worst. A comfortable place for him and me to sleep at night, exercise so his mind and body are happy, and making sure I am providing the best life I can for him.
But then again the demographics are the best.
I am able to bring my best and most loyal friend with me everywhere I go. He is always there, right by my side, providing anxious me with priceless comfort. I would be so scared without him. I wouldn’t get to experience the joy on other peoples faces without him around.
I am reminded of how on the trail I spent so much time worrying about him. Almost the entirety honestly. And what good did that do?
It is indeed a life lesson that I remind myself of often, and for that I am grateful. If only I can work hard at remembering all of the things I have been through, and how those things are lessons that are going to help me as I keep living everyday. Reminders.